


Snow Falls on Desert Sky

by potentiallyAWKWARD



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Suicidal John, Suicide Attempts, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2019-07-17 12:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16095983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potentiallyAWKWARD/pseuds/potentiallyAWKWARD
Summary: Major trigger warning for this chapter. Do not read if this may affect you.Also, a HUGE thank you to my good friendallsovacantfor the beautiful cover!





	1. Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Major trigger warning for this chapter. Do not read if this may affect you.
> 
> Also, a HUGE thank you to my good friend allsovacant for the beautiful cover!
> 
>  

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I don't mind scars._   
> 

 

_But this time, I mean it_

_I'll let you know just how much you mean to me_

_As snow falls on desert sky_

_Until the end of everything_

 (Demolition Lovers by My Chemical Romance)

 

** EXCERPTS FROM THE MOBILE PHONE OF SHERLOCK HOLMES **

 

24/06/2012 / 23:21 / RECEIVED

It’s been a week. It’s not funny anymore, Sherlock.

 

24/06/2012 / 23:54 / RECEIVED

Fine. Don’t respond. I bet you’re too busy being a hero to check your mobile anyway.

 

26/06/2012 / 1:17 / RECEIVED

You can’t be dead. Not you.

 

26/06/2012 / 1:20 / RECEIVED

Not like that, anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

05/07/2012 / 12:42 / RECEIVED

They let me go at the surgery today.

 

05/07/2012 / 13:03 / RECEIVED

I hadn’t gone in for a week anyway.

 

06/07/2012 / 16:29 / RECEIVED

I got a letter in the mail from your brother. I ripped it up on the doorstep.

 

07/07/2012 / 08:50 / RECEIVED

My bank account is suddenly mysteriously full. But Mycroft can’t buy my forgiveness.

 

07/07/2012 / 08:54 / RECEIVED

Not even if he could buy you back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

17/07/2012 / 00:40 / RECEIVED

One month.

 

17/07/2012 / 00:57 / RECEIVED

People are already forgetting about you.

 

17/07/2012 / 01:23 / RECEIVED

But not me. I can’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

21/07/2012 / 18:04 / RECEIVED

I told Ella that I still text you.

 

21/07/2012 / 18:05 / RECEIVED

She told me that as long as I’m not expecting a response, it’s a ‘perfectly healthy coping mechanism’.

 

21/07/2012 / 18:10 / RECEIVED

I guess I wasn’t looking for a healthy coping mechanism anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

27/07/2012 / 12:04 / RECEIVED

There was a black car at the kerb when I left Tesco’s today.

 

27/07/2012 / 12:05 / RECEIVED

I only went to get Mrs Hudson some milk. Her hip has been bothering her lately.

 

27/07/2012 / 12:06 / RECEIVED

The pair of us hobbling around 221B

 

27/07/2012 / 12:12 / RECEIVED

Anyway, I have a new flat.

 

27/07/2012 / 12:15 / RECEIVED

It costs more in a month than I make in a year, I reckon. But the bills are being taken care of by a ‘generous donor’. Guess I’ll leave all the lights on when I leave the flat.

 

27/07/2012 / 12:34 / RECEIVED

I scratched up the kitchen table so it’s not so fancy anymore

 

27/07/2012 / 12:43 / RECEIVED

You would’ve had the flat torn apart by now. But I’m not you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

14/08/2012 / 20:51 / RECEIVED

Someone visits me every two days. They think I haven’t realized that they’re taking turns babysitting me. But I have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

30/08/2012 / 23:47 / RECEIVED

I haven’t left the flat in over a week. My babysitters are getting worried. Especially Molly.

 

31/08/2012 00:07 / RECEIVED

You crushed her, by the way. Molly.

 

31/08/2012 / 00:21 / RECEIVED

She acts very strange around me now. I think she feels guilty.

 

31/08/2012 00:32 / RECEIVED

It’s not her fault you were in her lab when you got Moriarty’s text. It’s not her fault she’s the one who did your autopsy. It’s not her fault that I can’t even think about leaving the flat without having a panic attack.

 

31/08/2012 / 14:24 / RECEIVED

I don’t leave the flat anymore because I kept seeing you everywhere. Every tall man with dark hair makes my heart leap when I see them from a distance.

 

31/08/2012 / 14:26 / RECEIVED

And every time I realized it wasn’t you, it was like I was at Bart’s again. And I jus

 

31/08/2012 / 14:26 / RECEIVED

And I just can’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

17/09/2012 / 19:21 / RECEIVED

Three months ago, you left me. It’s been three months and a day since I slept through the night without waking up from a nightmare.

 

17/09/2012 / 20:20 / RECEIVED

Funny thing is that being awake isn’t any better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

31/10/2012 / 21:31 / RECEIVED

It’s Halowe’en. I was thinking about Greg’s party last year, and how you dressed up as Anderson.

 

31/10/2012 / 21:35 / RECEIVED

And how he was the only one who didn’t understand that that’s who you were

 

31/10/2012 / 22:03 / RECEIVED

Greg invited me again this year. I think it was just out of pity. I said no.

 

31/10/2012 / 22:07 / RECEIVED

Thinking of going to his party without you and it being partly his fault that you’re gone is a bif

 

31/10/2012 / 22:08 / RECEIVED

A bit not good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

12/11/2012 / 19:42 / RECEIVED

Greg asked me help him with a case today.

 

12/11/2012 / 19:46 / RECEIVED

I hung up on him

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

15/12/2012 / 22:51 / RECEIVED

I went to Tesco’s today and Home for Christmas came on

 

15/12/2012 / 22:55 / RECEIVED

I pulled down a shelf with me when my leg gave out and was helped up by and elderly gentleman

 

15/12/2012 / 23:04 / RECEIVED  
His cheekbones were like yours

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

25/12/2012 / 03:43 / RECEIVED

I weny to a chriistmas party at the yard tonigh

 

25/12/2012 / 03:56 / RECEIVED

Anderson talkeded aboit yiiu

 

25/12/2012 / 04:01 / RECEIVED

I broke his nose and was askef to leave

 

25/12/2012 / 15:57 / RECEIVED

Happy Christmas, wherever you are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

06/01/2013 / 20:04 / RECEIVED

Found out it’s your birthday today

 

06/01/2013 / 20:31 / RECEIVED

Took flowers to your grave. Plastic ones. Lilies.

 

06/01/2013 / 20:34 / RECEIVED

I think those were your favourite. I never asked. I should’ve.

 

06/01/2013 / 21:00 / RECEIVED

You would have told me about the deadliest plants in existence, maybe. Or mocked my sentiment.

 

06/01/2013 / 21:04 / RECEIVED

God, you irritated me, but I would give anything to have one more conversation with you

 

06/01/2013 / 21:19 / RECEIVED

Would you feel the same, if the roles were reversed?

 

06/01/2012 / 21:27 / RECEIVED

If I was the one who died, you probably wouldn’t even notice. You’d just think I’d gone to Tesco for some eggs or something

 

06/01/2013 / 21:48 / RECEIVED

I don’t know how you do it.

 

06/01/2013 / 21:51 / RECEIVED  
Did it.

 

06/01/2013 / 21:59 / RECEIVED

I’m going to bed. Happy Birthday, Sherlock Holmes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

14/03/2013 / 13:02 / RECEIVED

Sorry I haven’t texted you lately, I’ve been busy

 

17/03/2013 / 14:39 / RECEIVED

See, this is where you’re supposed to contradict me. Give me your best deduction, Sherlock. What have I been doing the past 9 months?

 

17/03/2013 / 18:57 / RECEIVED  
Since you’re stumped, I’ll tell you: I’ve been doing absolutely nothing. Don’t even get out of bed, some days.

 

17/03/2013 / 22:10 / RECEIVED  
I only leave my flat so that people don’t think I’ve gone off the deep end, which I suppose I have. It’s worth it, since I can talk to you.

 

17/03/2013 / 23:45 / RECEIVED  
Lately, I’ve been dreaming about you. I haven’t dreamt for months, but I am now. It makes it even harder for me to get out of bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

04/05/2013 / 17:39 / RECEIVED

Mycrody send me a new mobile

 

04/05/2013 / 23:04 / RECEIVED  
in the notw he saif he was “WORried about my wellbing”

 

04/05/2013 / 23:58 / RECEIVED  
HE really jusy wants to keep us apart

 

05/05/2013 / 04:23 / RECEIVED  
he also tolf me he would take aeay the money if I keep using it to buy liqour

 

05/05/2013 / 4:24 / RECEIVED

Liquor*

 

05/05/2013 / 04:41 / RECEIVED  
but I fon’t want to stip

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

12/08/2013 / 21:08 / RECEIVED  
Harry visited me today.

 

12/08/2013 / 21:13 / RECEIVED  
It was the first time in over a year

 

12/08/2013 / 22:28 / RECEIVED  
She told me I look like shit and that I need to get help, but (I didn’t tell her this bit, it’s just between you and I) I don’t want help.

 

12/08/2013 / 23:58 / RECEIVED  
I’ve started picking out my tombstone so Harry won’t have to

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

25/12/2013 / 00:02 / RECEIVED  
Happy Christmas.

 

25/12/2013 / 01:07 / RECEIVED  
It’s my last one.

 

25/12/2013 / 3:29 / RECEIVED

I have the date picked out, but I’m not telling you, you’ll try to stop me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

06/01/2014 / 0:01 / RECEIVED

Happy 30th birthday

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

31/03/2014 / 22:02 / RECEIVED

I wonder how different today would’ve been if you were still here.

 

31/03/2014 / 22:07 / RECEIVED

If there would have been a party. Maybe you would’ve tried to surprise me.

 

31/03/2014 / 22:13 / RECEIVED

Doubt it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

17/06/2014 / 08:23 / RECEIVED

Your brother paid me a visit this morning.

 

17/06/2014 / 8:27 / RECEIVED

He seemed worried for me.

 

17/06/2014 / 8:34 / RECEIVED

But today’s not the day. Not yet. I’m not stupid enough to try to kill myself on the anniversary of your death.

 

17/06/2014 / 9:09 / RECEIVED

Too many people would be expecting it. Prepared to stop it.

 

17/06/2014 / 15:04 / RECEIVED

I wonder what you’d say if I did it today. You’d probably call it sentiment.

 

17/06/2014 / 15:22 / RECEIVED

But you’d be wrong. It would be a mercy.

 

17/06/2014 / 15:23 / FAILED TO SEND

John.

SH

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

24/06/2014 / 11:34 / RECEIVED

Soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

01/07/2014 / 23:47 / RECEIVED

I got released today. They had no reason to keep me.

 

01/07/2014 / 23:53 / RECEIVED

The thing about being suicidal is that you learn to be a good actor.

 

02/07/2014 / 00:02 / RECEIVED

But you would know that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

03/07/2014 / 09:17 / RECEIVED

All medications have been removed from my flat.

 

03/07/2014 / 10:10 / RECEIVED

Don’t want a repeat of last week, I suppose.

 

03/07/2014 / 10:15 / RECEIVED

The stain won’t come out of the carpet

 

03/07/2014 / 12:09 / RECEIVED

That wasn’t the date I had picked anyway. That was an accident.

 

03/07/2014 / 13:58 / RECEIVED

I’ll be more thorough next time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

07/07/2014 / 01:38 / RECEIVED

goodbye

07/07/2014 / 01:42 / FAILED TO SEND

I’ve called Mycroft. I’m on my way. Please don’t do anything stupid.

SH

 

07/07/2014 / 02:23 / FAILED TO SEND

I’m ten minutes from hospital. The surgery is going well, I’ve been told.

SH

 

07/07/2014 / 02:27 / FAILED TO SEND

I don’t mind scars.

SH

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

09/07/2014 / 09:03 / READ

If you change your mind, I’m still here.

SH

 

09/07/2014 / 22:38 / READ

I’m sorry. You have every right to be angry.

SH

 

10/07/2014 / 4:52 / READ

My nose is healing well.

SH


	2. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _God, haven't you learned anything?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long. College life is much busier than I anticipated. I hope this makes up for the long wait.

_I'm trying, I'm trying  
_

_To let you know how much you mean_

_As days fade, and nights grow  
_

_And we go cold  
_

 

**EXCERPTS FROM THE MOBILE PHONE OF DR. JOHN H WATSON **

****

12/07/2014 / 10:14

  * _Missed Call from SHERLOCK HOLMES  
_



12/17/2014 / 10:15

  * _New Voicemail from SHERLOCK HOLMES  
_



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

13/07/2014 / 20:09 / READ

If I do meet you tomorrow for coffee, I have one condition.

 

13/07/2014 / 20:11 / RECEIVED

Of course. Whatever you want.

SH

13/07/2014 / 20:18 / READ

We are not going to discuss what I have been doing the past two years. You are not going to try to deduce anything from me. You will give me a full and honest explanation and then I will make my decision.

 

13/07/2014 / 20:19 / RECEIVED

Regarding?

SH

 

13/07/2014 / 20:20 / READ

You.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

14/07/2014 / 12:04 / RECEIVED

Thank you.

SH

 

14/07/2014 / 12:09 / READ

            I haven’t made my decision yet.

 

14/07/2014 / 12:22 / RECEIVED

I know.

SH

 

14/07/2014 / 12:30 / READ

Then why are you thanking me?

 

14/07/2014 / 12:33 / RECEIVED

For allowing me to explain. For giving me a second chance. Is ‘thank you’ not a proper response in this situation?

SH

 

14/07/2014 / 12:47 / RECEIVED

God, haven’t you learned anything?

 

14/07/2014 / 12:52 / RECEIVED

What do you mean?

SH

 

14/07/2014 / 13:02 / READ

I don’t give a fuck about the ‘proper response’. I’m tired of people telling me what I want to hear.

 

14/07/2014 / 13:11

Then what should I say?

SH

 

14/07/2014 / 13:13 / READ

What you mean.

 

14/07/2014 / 13:19 / RECEIVED

I don’t know how.

SH

 

14/07/2014 / 13:32 / READ

Exactly. Which is why I haven’t made my decision.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

17/07/2014 / 15:09 / RECEIVED

Have you made your decision yet?

SH

 

17/07/2014 / 17:12 / READ

No.

 

17/07/2014 / 17:26 / RECEIVED

Take yo

 

17/07/2014 / 17:27 / RECEIVED

Take your time.

SH

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

22/07/2014 / 12:15 / RECEIVED

Lestrade called. He has a case for me.

SH

 

22/07/2014 / 12:17 / RECEIVED

In case you’d like to join.

SH

 

22/07/2014 / 12:28 / RECEIVED

I know you just got a job at a surgery but I thought you might be interested.

SH

 

22/07/2014 / 12:34 / READ

I’m at work, Sherlock.

 

22/07/2014 / 12:37 / RECEIVED

You’re on lunch.

SH

 

22/07/2014 / 12:40 / READ

I only have twenty minutes left. I wouldn’t make it in time anyway.

 

 

22/07/2014 / 12:42 / RECEIVED

Then quit your job.

SH

 

22/07/2014 / 12:50 / READ

I’ve only just started.

 

22/07/2014 / 12:51 / RECEIVED

Which means you’re still expendable.

SH

 

22/07/2014 / 12:54 / READ

I like it here, Sherlock.

 

22/07/2014 / 12:57 / RECEIVED  
Not as much as you like being on a case with me.

SH

 

22/07/2014 / 13:04 / RECEIVED  
Sorry.

SH

 

22/07/2014 / 13:11 / READ

I’m working, Sherlock. I don’t have time for it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

24/07/2014 / 08:20 / READ

Why.

 

24/07/2014 / 08:37 / RECEIVED

Why what?

SH

 

24/07/2014 / 08:59 / READ

All of this. Everything.

 

24/07/2014 / 09:01 / READ

Why me.

 

24/07/2014 / 09:23 / RECEIVED

I’m not following.

SH

 

24/07/2014 / 09:26 / READ

Why do you insist on being my friend? I’ve never understood why you chose me as a flatmate. I don’t understand why you’re so desperate to get me back now.

 

24/07/2014 / 09:39 / RECEIVED

Because you’re Captain John Hamish Watson, PhD.

SH

 

24/07/2014 / 09:50 / READ

Oh thanks, I’d almost forgotten.

 

24/07/2014 / 09:51 / RECEIVED

That’s not

 

24/07/2014 / 10:03 / RECEIVED

I chose you because you were different from everyone else. You were special.

SH

 

24/07/2014 / 10:03 / RECEIVED

Are special.

SH

 

24/07/2014 / 10:09 / RECEIVED

And you’re the only one wh

 

24/07/2014 / 10:10 / RECEIVED

Ignore that last message, I was trying to delete it.

SH

 

24/07/2014 / 10:34 / READ

No.

 

24/07/2014 / 10:51 / RECEIVED

No?

SH

 

24/07/2014 / 10:55 / READ

No, I’m not going to ignore that message. What were you going to say?

 

24/07/2014 / 11:23 / RECEIVED

I don’t know, that’s why I was deleting it.

SH

 

24/07/2014 / 11: 54 / READ

I’ve made my decision.

 

24/07/2014 / 11:56 / RECEIVED

And?

SH

 

24/07/2014 / 12:00 / READ

My answer is no.

 

24/07/2014 / 12:01 / RECEIVED

no?

SH

 

24/07/2014 / 12:02 / READ

For now. Until you can finish that sentence, at least.

 

24/07/2014 / 12:09 / RECEIVED

I don’t know how, John.

SH

 

24/07/2014 / 12:12 / READ

Goodbye, Sherlock.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

31/07/2014 / 08:04 / READ

I got a call from Mrs Hudson. Said you’ve been tearing up the flat.

 

31/07/2014 / 08:20 / RECEIVED

Oh?

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 8:23 / READ

Precisely what I said.

 

31/07/2014 / 8:29 / RECEIVED

Why are you texting me about it? You’re not interested in my affairs at the moment, unless I am much mistaken.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 8:32 / READ

She asked me to talk to you, and I owe her a favour or two.

 

31/07/2014 / 08:47 / RECEIVED

You’re not doing a very good job at ‘talking to me’, John. Talking requires communication.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 08:55 / READ

I was waiting for you to respond. I’m not going to lecture you. This is going to be a civil conversation, which requires communication between BOTH PARTIES.

 

31/07/2014 / 8:59 / RECEIVED

I don’t like your tone of voice.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 9:01 / READ

I don’t like your

 

31/07/2014 / 9:02 / READ

Sorry, I didn’t mean to send that.

 

31/07/2014 / 9:07 / RECEIVED

Alright then, let us converse. I assume you would like to know why I broke all of the glassware in the cupboards?

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 09:11 / READ

Christ, Sherlock. She only told me about the books. ALL of the glasses?

 

31/07/2014 / 9:19 / RECEIVED

Except for the one that Harriet gave you for that one holiday. The one with the tinsel.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 9:21 / READ

…Christmas?

 

31/07/2014 / 9:22 / RECEIVED

Yes. Also, those books had it coming. They were several years outdated.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 9:30 / READ

Doesn’t mean you need to shred them and scatter the debris around the living room.

 

31/07/2014 / 9:32 / RECEIVED

You and I have very different ideas of my needs, then.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 9:44 / READ

I’m going to be the mature adult and not say any of the things that I want to say.

 

31/07/2014 / 9:51 / RECEIVED

Then why do you expect me to tell you something I don’t want to say?

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 10:03 / READ

So you know how to finish that sentence but just haven’t told me

 

31/07/2014 / 10:07 / READ

I forget who I’m talking to. You left me for two years without telling me you were alive. A few days doesn’t mean much to you, does it?

 

31/07/2014 / 10:23 / RECEIVED

You’re speaking about things you have no understanding of. What do you think I was doing during those two years? I wasn’t relaxing on a beach in the Bahamas, John. You think I didn’t want to tell you? You think I didn’t wake up every day (or at the least the days that I managed a few hours of sleep) and consider calling you, or texting you, or stealing a car and driving to the nearest airport I could find so I could tell you in person? You think I enjoyed myself, enjoyed hurting you, enjoyed reading all of your texts that you sent me? Because yes, I read them. I read them all. And it killed me, John. You want to know why I haven’t finished that sentence? Because I don’t want to hurt you anymore. Your anger with me is far healthier than anything you’ve been through lately, and me getting more involved in your life will only cause you distress and danger. I’m not going to let you be collateral damage for my selfishness. So, yes, I’ve known what I was going to say. I’ve known since before the rooftop at St Bart’s. I’m just not willing to run the risk of hurting you anymore.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 10:56 / READ

Just one word, Sherlock. That’s all it would’ve taken. Haven’t you realized that without you, I’m more of a danger to myself than you or your lifestyle could ever be to me?

 

31/07/2014 / 11:09 / RECEIVED

You’re right, it would’ve only taken one word. But I had three in mind.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 11:11 / READ

Which are?

 

SHERLOCK HOLMES is typing…


	3. Scar Tissue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You're an idiot._

** EXCERPTS FROM THE MOBILE PHONE OF SHERLOCK HOLMES **

 

31/07/2014 / 11:12 / RECEIVED

No you don’t.

31/07/2014 / 11:14 / READ

What?

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 11:15 / RECEIVED

I kn

 

31/07/2014 / 11:16 / RECEIVED

I know you don’t always know what is and is not appropriate in a social context, but saying that is more than a bit not good when you don’t mean it.

 

31/07/2014 / 11:17 / READ

Who says I don’t mean it?

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 11:18 / RECEIVED

I do.

 

31/07/2014 / 11:23 / READ

Are you going to make me prove it to you? Crawl on my hands and knees and beg you to believe me?

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 11:25 / RECEIVED

You’ve said it yourself that you’re a sociopath, Sherlock. Why should I believe you if it goes against everything you’ve ever told me?

 

31/07/2014 / 11:27 / READ

It really doesn’t.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 11:30 / RECEIVED

Oh? I’m pretty damn sure it does. I would remember if you said that to me before.

 

31/07/2014 / 11:31 / READ

Alright, maybe I haven’t said it in those exact words. Does that make it any less real? There is more than one way to convey the same message.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 11:31 / RECEIVED

I’m so fucking tired of you talking to me in code. I’m tired of feeling like an idiot around you just so you can be clever.

 

31/07/2014 / 11:32 / READ

You want me to spell it out for you? Fine. Don’t say I didn’t tell you.

 

31/07/2014 / 11:37 / READ

I knew you were special since you walked into Bart’s with that cane and offered me your mobile. I knew exactly how I felt about you at the pool, when Moriarty had you strapped to a bomb and you offered your life for mine. Why do you think I acted like such an arse to all of your girlfriends, John? What reason would I have other than out of jealousy? I’m not a monster. I know I was hurting their feelings. And that was the whole point. And then there was The Woman and you thought I fancied her even though I told you I didn’t and had told you in every way except actual speech that you were all that mattered to me, but you always told me you weren’t gay and seemed so appalled when people thought we were a couple, and I was too scared to lose you so I didn’t say anything. And I’m sorry. I should have. I should have said it. I should have told you on the roof. But I didn’t. And the only reason I’m telling you now is because I’m selfish and I don’t want you to think for the rest of your life that it didn’t kill me every morning to wake up and not hear you in the kitchen making tea, or showering, or typing on your laptop, or walking around your bedroom, or sleeping. I don’t want your last impression of me to be bad enough that it ruins the rest of your memories of me. So I’m sorry that it has to come out this way, and I’m sorry that I ruined our friendship irrevocably now. But you did ask me to finish that sentence, and I did.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 11:42 / RECEIVED

You’re an idiot.

 

31/07/2014 / 11:43 / READ

I know.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 11:44 / RECEIVED

No, apparently you don’t.

 

31/07/2014 / 11:47 / READ

What do you mean?

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 11:50 / RECEIVED

I love you too, you bloody moron.

 

31/07/2014 / 11:52 / RECEIVED

Always have.

 

31/07/2014 / 12:07 / RECEIVED

…Sherlock?

 

31/07/2014 / 12:11 / READ

Sorry. I had to make a phone call.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 12:13 / RECEIVED  
To?

 

31/07/2014 / 12:14 / READ

Mycroft.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 12:16 / RECEIVED

…why?

 

31/07/2014 / 12:19 / READ

To find out your address.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 12:20 / RECEIVED

Why?

 

31/07/2014 / 12:23 / READ

Because I need to see you in person to tell if you’re lying to me, and if you aren’t, I need to kiss you.

SH

31/07/2014 / 12:25 / RECEIVED

Oh.

 

31/07/2014 / 12:26 / RECEIVED

You could’ve just asked me for the address.

 

31/07/2014 / 12:28 / READ

Well, I wouldn’t have been able to surprise you at your doorstep that way. By the way, your front door could use new locks.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 12:29 / RECEIVED

You broke into my flat? I didn’t hear you come in.

 

31/07/2014 / 12:30 / READ

I would never do such a thing. I only unlocked the door. I’m still standing outside.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 12:31 / RECEIVED

You’re ridiculous.

 

31/07/2014 / 12:32 / READ

I know.

SH

 

31/07/2014 / 12:33 / RECEIVED

I’m coming to let you in. And you’re going to explain to me again what you’ve told me over text today. And then I might have a new answer. About you. About us.

 

31/07/2014 / 11:34 / RECEIVED

After all of this? I hope so.

SH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... this is literally the first WIP I've ever finished??? I know it's really short but like... I actually did it?? Wow.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. Also, if you haven't already, I suggest listening to this fic's namesake, Demolition Lovers by My Chemical Romance.


	4. Bonus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Leev (AllSoVacant).

John opened the door to find Sherlock standing on the stoop, looking out onto the busy street before him. For several seconds they stood in silence as John's heart skipped several beats like it always did when he saw Sherlock ever since St. Bart's. Perhaps Sherlock had heard the door open, but he didn't make any indication that he had. John cleared his throat as a Tesla drove by.

Sherlock turned, looking John up and down as if scanning him for any signs of deception. His gaze was carefully guarded, but not even Sherlock Holmes could hide the small sliver of hope that was gleaming in his eyes. "Tell your landlord to purchase a new doorbell; this one's about to give out."

John cocked an eyebrow. "Hello to you too."

Sherlock's mouth twitched. "May I come in?"

John's heart fluttered like a schoolboy on a first date. It's not as if you shared a flat with him for over a year and consider him your best friend, he scoffed to himself. "Of course. I just made a pot of tea, if you’re interested."

Sherlock closed the front door and followed John up the flight of stairs to his flat. It was surreal, Sherlock treading on the same ground John had for over two years, thinking he was dead. John opened the door and let his friend in, making his way to the kitchen and pouring two cups of Earl Grey as Sherlock settled into an armchair.

The flat was dead silent, heavy with unspoken words.

John passed a saucer to Sherlock, only making eye contact when their fingers accidentally brushed during the transfer. The detective's lips parted slightly. "Thank you," he recovered, clearing his throat. 

John settled into his own armchair, taking a cautious sip.

They sat in silence for several minutes, drinking their tea and very pointedly avoiding eye contact. John coughed lightly. Sherlock drummed a melody on his thigh. After what seemed like an eternity, Sherlock huffed.

"This is ridiculous," he announced, placing his cup on the coffee table. He stood, took three strides to where John was seated, bent down, and kissed him.

John's now-empty teacup was placed haphazardly on the coffee table as well, giving John the chance to cup Sherlock's face in his hands. He straightened in his chair, entire body tingling, as their mouths moved together.

Sherlock tasted of mint and Earl Grey, lips soft and pliant beneath his own. God, John had always wondered what it would be like to nibble on that bottom lip of his, and it was every bit as wonderful as he had imagined. Sherlock chuckled, pulling back slightly so their lips barely touched.

"I have ascertained that either you were telling the truth or you are a very convincing liar."

John laughed, one hand carding through Sherlock's impossibly soft curls. "Funny, I'd just come to that same conclusion."

"Looks like we'll need to run another trial to gain more reliable data," Sherlock suggested.

And that they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, this is the real end. It's short but it's all I can manage for now. Maybe someday I'll bulk it up.


End file.
